I can't tell you how many times that I've tried to walk away from this writing "thing". I'm not even sure what to call it. Is it an addiction or am I seeking recognition where none can be found? I don't know. But what I do know is that every time I throw my hands up and want to quit, God gives me something--and sometimes it's a very small something--but I know it's from Him and He is calling me back to do His will.
After spending almost five years writing in one genre, God has turned me in a new direction--a new genre. I have no idea why because there doesn't appear to be much of a market for this in the CBA. To further complicate things, I have no idea what I'm doing, where I'm going with this story. This is like nothing else I've done. So, a "soft" market and no story. It's enough to make me want to throw it all out and go back to what I was doing before.
But again, God's timing is perfect. I've decided to read at least a chapter a day from a craft book and from a genre book. Last night, wouldn't you know, I read in the craft book about characterization and exposition. The thing that struck me was that it's best not to define your characters too much up front---let them grow--and let them go deep. So, maybe I only know a little about my characters right now, but as I live in the story through my characters, they will grow and so will I.
Another nugget the Lord gave me was in the genre book. It was about story structure. I'm struggling with the big topic of the day--to outline or not to outline. I'm a very strucured person but when it comes to writing too much structure just shuts me down. I suppose it is where the left brain and righ brain meet. I can be the most creative with the least amount of structure. Back to the story, I began this last year and it is nothing like what I started with. The genre book encouraged me by stating that you shouldn't worry if your story changes into something completely different--your story must grow, evolve until it is right. You shouldn't put yourself in a box and write to that box or you will end up with nothing very creative.
I'm not sure if anything I said makes sense to you, but again God encouraged me with exactly what I needed for the moment. I am back to my story with a new confidence that I am on the right track and it's not necessary for me to know everything about my story ahead of time.
God has opened my eyes to see what I need to see for the moment.